Daphne's Big Mouth
by CaptainElf
Summary: Daphne was many things, beautiful, smart, sarcastic... but she also had no filter. Her mouth kept getting her into trouble - maybe she should walk around with a snitch in her mouth and all would be well. She would certainly have more friends.
1. Chapter 1: The spoon-and-pan incident

**A/N: This fic will be in drabble style, and not a very long fic. It will account times when Daphne's mouth was faster than her brain.**

 **I don't own HP.**

 **Daphne's Big Mouth**

 **Chapter 1: The spoon-and-pan incident**

Daphne Greengrass was many things. She was beautiful, with dirty blonde hair and light green eyes, with a curvy body and a delicate laugh. She was also smart – she got O's in Potions, Transfiguration and Charms, after all.

She also had no filter which was why she was continuously cursing herself, because her big mouth had gotten her in trouble. _Again_.

The first time her mouth got her in trouble was when she kept telling people about the little spat she and Theodore Nott had had during the summer. Tracy and Theodore had visited her while her parents were away, and while she was in the process of making tea, Theodore had thought it was a bright idea to touch her boob.

Well, he slapped it, probably what was supposed to be in a playful way, but she threw a spoon at him and promptly hit him on the head with a pan.

Tracy had stood, flabbergasted at the act before promptly bursting out in giggles. The boy just laughed it off, but he was hurt. Too proud to show it, and terrified of being hit again because, let's face it, Daphne was a skilled with that resorted to muggle tendencies. He probably didn't want to see what she could do with her wand.

The blonde girl didn't think she was wrong in doing it – he'd invaded her personal space and she retaliated. But _that_ wasn't the issue.

No, the issue came a few months later. She was dating Blaise Zabini (she had no idea how that happened, but she didn't mind, because he was her best friend and it was simply a matter of time, and she did love him) and they were having a quiet evening at his house.

 _Then Theo showed up. Oh, goodness, that boy was asking for it._

Oh, _dear_ annoying Theo showed up and ruined their evening, because he was an idiot. That was Daphne's idea back then, at least.

Blaise's mother came into the room and Theodore promptly told her that her son was dating a lunatic, a weird girl with violent tendencies who scared him and gave him nightmares. And something about her carnivorous cat that chewed people's faces off.

Well, Daphne might pretend to be made of ice, but she could scorch like flames. She promptly told the woman she would hopefully one day have as a mother-in-law about the spoon and pan incident.

Later Theo would whine to Blaise that what Daphne had done was unfair, mean, bitchy, yada yada yada. In front of Blaise's mother? How dare she? She had no right!

And the girl confessed her feelings too, but not after another month of iciness from Blaise because she was 'icing out his friends'. That resulted in Blaise also being told that he had to think of her feelings too. And where to stuff it if he thought his friends were innocent little lambs.

After that fight… Theodore and Daphne made peace. For a while, at least. Blaise and Daphne made peace instantly.

. . .

 **A/N: Please review?**


	2. Chapter 2: The surprisingly intelligent

**Chapter 2: The surprisingly intelligent quip**

As has been stated, Daphne was smart. And she wasn't shy about it either, she liked to rub it in people's faces, because she didn't believe in false humility. That's probably why Millicent stopped being friends with her.

So, once again, her filter failed her, one night after she and Blaise had wandered into the muggle world for a date. They had spent the entire evening talking about various things – the universe (the stars, the sun being a star, the nearest earth-like planet, life on Mars), Potions (and the silly things Potions were made of), creating new spells (like one that would make a stuffed animal real, one that would make muggle things work at Hogwarts, summoning unicorn poop and lemons), theories of existence (the one about the many universes, the once where everyone is linked to a machine), paradoxes (like the phoenix and the feather, going back in time, killing your grandfather and becoming your own grandfather)…

Daphne really did enjoy his company. And when he was walking her home, she heard it before she approved the utterance coming out of her mouth.

"Blaise, you're surprisingly intelligent."

She paused – had she said that? She bloody well knew that her boyfriend was smart, and now she went and said that?

Blaise burst out laughing.

"Thanks, I guess. So are you."

The girl sighed in relief. Well, that was a relief.

. . .

 **Review?**


	3. Chapter 3: Daphne wants to be a teacher

**Chapter 3: Daphne wants to be a teacher**

The day was boring, the class was boring, the professor was boring (he was doing revision). Daphne glanced at the heap of essays on Snape's desk – she was honestly itching to see what everyone else had written.

Of course she would get a good mark; her essay was brilliant and would impress even Snape.

"So, that's the lesson for today." Snape concluded, slapping his hands together uncharacteristically. He didn't dismiss them, though, and asked them to pack away their things.

"As your Head of House I am obligated to have this discussion," Snape drawled one their desks were cleared, "What do you wish to do once you leave Hogwarts?"

Daphne thought about that. She was pretty sure being a full time bitch wasn't something she could be paid for, and world domination was the Dark Lord's thing at the moment – maybe she could follow in his footsteps? Or what if she did what Rita Skeeter did, she made a lot of people's lives hell and unbearable, just look at Potter.

Vaguely listening she heard Tracy express her wish to become a hippogriff trainer and Draco wanted to be a Quidditch player. Parkinson lamented her passion to become a model (uh… not likely, but the girl had high aims) and Blaise opted to be an Unspeakable. Theodore wanted to be Minister of Magic (yeah, that's likely).

"Miss Greengrass?" Snape asked. Daphne whipped out of her daydream of slaying unicorns and hunting pixies.

"A teacher." She said immediately. This caused some confusion – why? She was so smart, she had so much potential, she was so pretty, she was so mean, _how could she want to be a teacher?_

Professor Snape lifted a curious eyebrow. "Why might you want to do that?" He said it as if she was insane, though he would probably know, being in the profession himself.

"So I can laugh at the mistakes." She said honestly. This surprised even more people. The blonde felt herself blush – her damn mouth.

"Daph… that isn't very nice…" Tracy said carefully, surveying her friend with worry.

"Well, I'm not a very nice person."

And that was _that_ lesson ended. Snape decided to have these things in private next time.


	4. Chapter 4: Daphne's Possession

Chapter **4: Daphne is possessed by a sarcastic and mean demon**

This was the time Theodore stopped being her friend. Or the time Pansy used big words, either were notable experiences.

It went like this: It was Blaise's birthday. And he held a party for his friends; Daphne, Theodore, Pansy, Draco, Vincent, Tracey and Greg. It was a fun party, until someone decided to showcase a muggle thing called a movie. And not just any old movie: The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

The parents would never know. They just had to shut up about it.

Just before the movie started, Pansy talked about a "negative connotation" that some other word had. And Daphne was impressed. So much so that she congratulated Pansy on it.

Later Pansy, again, used a big word - "sarcastic" - and proceeded to shriek (not yell) at Daphne that she knew a lot of big words!

Well, Daphne being Daphne managed to insult Pansy even more. "Yeah, but, Pansy, my twelve-year-old cousin has a bigger vocabulary than you do."

Later in the movie there was a picture of Atlas holding the earth on his shoulders. And somebody yelled out "Look it's Hercules!"

To which both Theo and Daphne replied: "It's not Hercules, it's Atlas!"

And Daphne turned to Theo: "How the hell do you know that?"

That offended poor Theo so much that he left the party.

. . .

 **A/N: Review?**


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